A brick could be used to measure the speed of gravity, but an apple offers a tastier option. 


“If I had a wooden leg I could sit on three-legged chairs no problem.”

“People don’t know I have a checkered past. I used to be a picnic table cloth.”

“It’s hard to believe an eight-foot tall man can come out of a tight vagina. Obv…”

“I’m a student of life. My own. So I’m also my own teacher.”