A can of canola is better than a can of can’t.

“I lay warm in bed like a melted marshmallow in a graham cracker. I really wish …”

“A brick could be used to illustrate the seriousness of the situation. You’ll kn…”

“I had modest job improvement numbers. They blushed a lot.”

“My asshole smells like chlorine, so I hope you brought some goggles.”