A football could be swapped out for a brick, to make family reunion football games more fun. But I’m calling it right now: I get to be quarterback.


“With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it's no surprise he lives…”

“You don’t need my approval to disagree. But I’m sure you agree—and I’m sure you…”

“To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if …”

“As the Hulk is green, I was bright red. I wasn’t embarrassed, but I was having …”