A good day is when the Oscar Meyer hotdogmobile crashes into a truck carrying Heinz ketchup, because who doesn’t like free hotdogs and carnage?

“I want to write a song about one man's level of commitment called, "I'd walk to…”

“I make conversation like I make love to myself—I let my hands do all the talkin…”

“My girlfriend has two aliases. Clones aside, it’s the only time I’ve ever felt …”

“A brick would make a great stocking stuffer at Christmas—especially if you chis…”