A Kiss is a terrible name for a piece of chocolate shaped like a water droplet, because kisses are hot and would melt chocolate—even if it is wearing an astronaut suit made out of tinfoil.

“I don’t like breakfast—I prefer fixslow. I eat it like I devour your love, and …”

“A pile of hairy towels is not a passable substitute for a dog.”

“I once got 7th place in a swim meet. Being top 8 is an accomplishment, especial…”

“I crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it in the garbage. Then I quickly snat…”