A woman I had sex with is carrying my child, because God has made it so that my hands are full. They’re full of hope for the future.

“If love felt like furry sandpaper, would you ever be able to leave my nipples a…”

“My meat smells like cat food. Makes me want to lick my own asshole.”

“Her last name is Bunch, but her first name isn’t Brady. And there was a bunch o…”

“His shelf. Good. Noodle dust. Decaying brain collecting dust. Must insert it ba…”