About money-grubbing women, here’s my stance: Bring on the gold diggers. I’ve got nothing to offer but pyrite.

“Don’t do something today you’ll regret for the next 10,000 tomorrows. No, you s…”

“I inherited my sense of passion and romance from the Romans. Specifically Nero …”

“I don’t just have one mustache, I have two. You can hardly notice them, though,…”

“Last night I read two books back to back. Tonight I’ll probably read both of th…”