After I’m famous, I want my statue to be made out of beige Jell-O, and I want to be portrayed naked, so my genitals jiggle in the wind.

“My cat stood still like a furry statue. I wanted to go pet it, but I ended up p…”

“He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled bec…”

“If my semen had chunks of crumbled brick in it, would you use yogurt to try to …”

“The picture is grainy. But that’s to be expected when photographing bread.”