Algebra is numbers forgetting why they’re letters.

“I want to go back to weighing 165 pounds. Let me take off my clothes.”

“My grandpa never read the newspaper. Not because he was particularly optimistic…”

“Nobody likes a dick. Except a pussy. Or an asshole. Or a goat’s mouth.”

“Whenever you have a goal, it's a good idea to have both a plan A and a back-up …”