Am I the only guy that holds a flute of champagne like it’s a musical instrument?

“I'm allergic to fingers, so I have to eat pizza with my feet. You should see me…”

“I can guess which car my boss drives. I’ll just look for the one with the hole …”

“You might think there is nothing more patriotic than dying for your country, bu…”

“I’m a nail biter. Not when I’m nervous, but when I misplace my hammer.”