An invisible wall of super condensed jelly would make a great shield to stop bullets and sarcasm.

“When I see a poor person I think of me, and then I think, maybe I should pay my…”

“I pitted two ditch diggers against each other, to see who could dig a pit the f…”

“The diner was more twiner than Twain, and I found a mustache in my soup. Maybe …”

“In a lot of ways I am like a duck. I love the water; I have large, web-like fee…”