Asparagus is the serpent of the vegetable world.

“I saw the corpse, and I called the cops. But not before I called a 1-800 phone …”

“A brick could be used to communicate with the dead. I just spoke to Stalin, and…”

“There are shades of schadenfreude. My favorite shade is bright red, from a haug…”

“The best date I’ve ever been on was March 5th, 1982, the year I was born. For a…”