Before bed I do a bit of light reading. I’m reading a 50-pound book on midgets.

“I am the sphinx of love. But I didn’t used to be. I used to be a sphink—which h…”

“A pastor, a politician, and a brick walk into a bar, and the bartender says, “S…”

“I've been able to sleep with my eyes open ever since I started watching basebal…”

“I feel like the boy who cried wolf, even though I know even less about politics.”