Before I grab your ass, I’ll take off my gloves. They’re cutting off circulation to my thighs.

“Love will wreck your heart like a derailed train. So choo-choose your partner w…”

“Don’t raise your hand to ask a question, or I’ll give you a surprise high five.”

“At the bar, I asked her what she’d like to drink, hoping she’d reply, “Your sem…”

“I like to pet trees—especially if they have furry leaves.”