Being vulgar to be funny is a crutch, and I prefer wheelchairs.

“The outer bands of the tropical storm didn’t play as good of music as the inner…”

“I’m trying to liquidate my assets. Somebody get me a straw.”

“I’ll take off my coat in the restaurant and drape it over my pants, which I’ll …”

“Dear mom, My lieutenant is a prostitute. Can you please send me more lunch mone…”