Bricks could have been used to stop Napoleon’s army from advancing into Russia. And blankets could have been used to keep Napoleon rolling in victories. 


“I just started seeing someone, which is a relief, because the last girl I dated…”

“After I go to the bathroom, I leave my hands wet as proof I washed them.”

“I’m about to crash for the night, and I’m wearing a bicycle helmet to bed. I ma…”

“I made love with a cute woman yesterday. I would have made love with a gorgeous…”