Cats are the best. They don’t need haircuts, and they love to cuddle, unlike certain celebrities who’ve issued restraining orders against me.

“I love how sincere she is. She makes a mannequin look like Mother Theresa, thou…”

“I made love to a woman on a boat once. It was still on the showroom floor, but …”

“A brick could be substituted in for Rhode Island as a US state, because they’re…”

“Some people use laughter as a weapon. It's all very funny until someone loses a…”