Does Ziploc make body bags? I’ll bet the corpses would stay fresher for longer if they did.

“A brick could be used as a Blushometer. To find out how embarrassed you are, ju…”

“The problem with ebooks is you can’t get booger smears on the pages.”

“My ex girlfriend said she’d never cheat on me. Well, she did—with an accountant…”

“I’m into older women, because all women are older women. Every second the woman…”