Doing autograph sessions all day is not what I signed up for. But that’s just all part of not being famous.

“I didn't have romantic feelings for her, but my penis did. So what else could I…”

“My wife keeps me busy while she talks—I’m not listening, but rather making the …”

“A brick could be used to keep yourself warm, and a blanket could be used in the…”

“Republicans are a glass half full, and Democrats are a glass half empty. Either…”