Don’t tell me to watch my step, because I’m like a staircase—so can you be more specific? Which step should I watch?

“People always ask me if I’m into sports, and I say, “Well, isn’t writing a spor…”

“Normally I charge 60 cents on the dollar for stolen merchandise. But since it w…”

“I’ll leave my disconnected cell phone as collateral, and I’ll call you on it wh…”

“A meow’s a sound I want to look at. And after I see it, I want to pet it.”