Don’t try blowing smoke up my ass, because you’ll find my anus blocked—by a cigar.

“Question for your life: If there were a fountain machine that dispensed destruc…”

“I’ll put some ice in your coffee, to cover up the fact that it was already cold…”

“I put the “org” in organic. I also put it in orgasm and orgy.”

“My brakes sound like my horn, and my car’s bumper is bumpy enough to be brail. …”