Doors open up for you when you work hard. Doors also open up for you when you walk with a limp and act gimpy.

“I put my deodorant on like I’m painting my armpits with a paintbrush. Art is ev…”

“I told the waitress I wanted some coffee. She asked if I wanted leaded of unlea…”

“If anybody ever tells me to face them like a man, I’ll get offended, because my…”

“When someone says, “One last thing,” it never is. Unless they die right after s…”