For being so ugly, I think God should reward me handsomely. He should give me the tender hands of a lover—and not those of a self-lover.

“When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust. When I saw you wi…”

“Maybe one day I could fly all over the world and meet other interesting birds.”

“My ball sack is like a bubblegum bubble, only with slightly less bubblegum flav…”

“My favorite pen is my penis. Put my words in your mouth.”