Friends are like orgasms: you can never have too many, but just try to watch out for the fake ones.

“I picked up a new language a few months ago. It was just laying on the ground, …”

“A blanket could be used to teach geography to a sleeping man. Better do it quic…”

“I saw her from afar. The game was afoot. I had astiffy.”

“I saw a mummy in a movie once, and I’ve got to say I love George Harrison’s sty…”