Friends, like fingers, are only good if you can count on them, as well as point them in the right direction.

“A guy I grew up with recently died. I attended his funeral, but only because I …”

“My favorite unit of time is the hour, because I collect them and store as many …”

“Your vote doesn’t count. All that counts is who counts the votes.”

“Your penis is a whistle. My penis is a flute. And I’ve got a tromboner for your…”