Generally, competition is a good thing. But not when it’s between two nipples, specifically mine, over which one can suck the most.

“The best thing about dating a deaf woman with no nose is being able to fart in …”

“One to five, I’m not sure how most people would rate me. But I’m certainly top …”

“A brick could be used to float a good idea at work—especially if it’s a good id…”

“I had a dream about you. You told me you loved me, and then you stabbed me with…”