Her boyfriend can’t hold a candle to me. Especially not while I’m holding the strobe light. It’s hard to do modern dancing when you’re living like it’s 1882. Still, I make it look pretty easy.

“When you pee in the sink, you don’t have to flush. Your hands are also right th…”

“Being in the womb was like taking a nine-month bath. I wanted to take a shower,…”

“Good things come to those who ate. And I’m stuffed. Like a teddy bear. That mig…”

“Laying on top of me is better than laying on a bed, because a bed doesn’t give …”