Hey, turn down the volume on your “How To Make Love Like Lucifer Hand Guide Volume II” audio book a little bit. I’m trying to sacrifice a goat, a burnt offering, and I need silence to start a fire using just my laser-like focus.

“When I think of the Middle Ages I think of castles, Catholicism, and taking you…”

“I have a fist like a brick, but I don’t punch through walls—I build them and be…”

“I can’t tell you how much I love kissing ass. Especially wealthy, cellulose-sti…”

“Stop a drunk driver and you stop a murderer—even if he hasn’t killed anyone yet…”