His last name was Gum, and I wanted to chew him out. But I’ll save that for the Federal Reserve, who are responsible for the biggest bubbles in history.

“I just invented a new light that shuts off automatically when an ugly person wa…”

“I hate when I'm at the grocery store and the person checking me out asks, "Pape…”

“I want to make a coffee table that consists of a slab of wood supported by four…”

“My cat will love you more than me. He won’t love you more than he loves me, but…”