How’s my mom? My mother’s well, like a painting—a Motherwell.

“A blanket could be used to attract a potential mate. I’ve already got my mate. …”

“I have two mustaches, one over each eye. They smell like tits and ass, because …”

“Each one of my nostrils is the size of my urethra. Every breath smells like pis…”

“My plan to live from 65 to forever is to simply keep showing up. I also don’t w…”