I always never leave things for the last minute. I leave them for 59 seconds.

“My asshole smells like chlorine, so I hope you brought some goggles.”

“An empty bag of chips would make a great sleeping bag, if it were larger. Or if…”

“They should make suitcases shaped like human bodies, for discretely transportin…”

“Most men want sex, without the kids or commitment. I want sex, but I don’t want…”