I always thought I’d make a great backup singer. I don’t practice. It’s just pure talent.

“My favorite pen is my penis. Put my words in your mouth.”

“A brick could be modified to be a cell phone, for construction workers who miss…”

“Dinner is served. It’s chicken lo mein. Oh and by the way, your cat is missing.”

“A tickle, an itch, and a scratch walk into a bar while I was in the corner drin…”