I am cursed. Everybody around me dies. It just might take a hundred years for them to do so.

“I recorded the ding-dong sound that shoplifting sensors at the doors of Wal-Mar…”

“Love is 3:33 am plus 360 degrees plus 365 days, minus 12:34 pm. I ought to know…”

“Falling in love should be natural, like the food at Moe’s. Baby, I am so hungry…”

“If I owned the Grand Canyon, it would be my largest antique.”