I am not who I pretend to be, even when I act like myself.

“John Wilkinson invented the horizontal boring machine, and what a boring machin…”

“Hey, turn down the volume on your “How To Make Love Like Lucifer Hand Guide Vol…”

“If I ever go to China, I’m going to find a piano and play “Chopsticks”--only no…”

“I’m a dyslexic dancer. Instead of leading the women, I follow. Quick, cab drive…”