I am terrified of heights, sharks, and spiders, so I am not into skydiving, surfing, or camping. I am the epitome of cowardice.

“A guy I grew up with recently died. I attended his funeral, but only because I …”

“My bed is better than all the rest. That’s why I just stand there staring at it…”

“If I give you an historical reference, am I dating myself? No, because the only…”

“I like color commentators. Especially red, white, and blue color commentators. …”