I am the world’s greatest American. I narrowly beat out all of China for the title.

“Driving is better than walking, because hitting is better than being hit.”

“I thought I did, but I guess I didn’t. But I did think I did, and it’s the thou…”

“Five sicks people in the hospital (56). I made each one a “Get well soon” card …”

“I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a t…”