I blended into the kitchen like a blender, but I made so much noise that I nearly woke up the strawberries and bananas. You should hear me make love. (I sound like an ice machine, but I’m as motionless as an empty ice cube tray.)

“Pigs might make great pets, but they make better breakfast. I’ll take one big s…”

“For your learning disability pleasure, I’ll be playing a song backwards.”

“Surfers catch waves, and so do people being told goodbye.”

“The kitten I got is black and white and has long hair. Really long hair (think …”