I blew the love trumpet until my cheeks were blue. Then I paid 34 bucks for a taxicab ride home so I could admire my receding hairline in the mirror.

“Anyone want some of my foot long sub? It’s huge! It’s nearly half as long as my…”

“The beautiful part about killing someone with an icicle is the murder weapon me…”

“A brick should decide who gets to rule the people, and I should decide what rul…”

“Hydrogenated and androgynous milky white love is all I have to offer you. Would…”