I bought two items to get a third free, and then I returned the two. I should be Shopper of the Year

“A zebra has stripes, the American flag has stripes, and I have an erection. Coi…”

“Helen Keller, she just can’t see how much I love her. Also, she acts like she c…”

“I have about as much practice sleeping as everyone else, though I’d like to hav…”

“I can draw like it’s nobody’s business. I use my door as a canvas, so don’t kno…”