I breathe onto a mirror just to make sure I’m still alive, and to see how good looking my breath is.

“I look like a million bucks, but I feel like shit. Thanks, inflation!”

“I collect orgasms. Unfortunately, lately I’ve been selling more than I’ve been …”

“I killed a man for his shoes, and then I realized his feet were much smaller th…”

“Don’t show me how I messed up, because I don’t need to be shown. Clearly if I’v…”