I built my ex wife a Castle of Love, and she dug a moat and filled it with sharks and lawyers. Oh well, at least I got to keep the unicorn.

“It’s what’s inside that matters. I’m confused inside, because I just ate some s…”

“A blanket could be used to crack the code of love. What is it, where do I find …”

“Sure, I pee in the pool. But that’s only because I don’t have a sink big enough…”

“The wisest thing my grandpa ever said to me before he died was "Stop!" Thinking…”