I called the cops to see if I had a rap sheet. I do, and it rhymes.

“I don’t want to rail against modern railroad barons, because this is America, a…”

“I had an arranged marriage. If I didn’t, how would anybody know when and where …”

“Respect is something that should be earned, like eyebrows shaped like windshiel…”

“I’m trying to liquidate my assets. Somebody get me a straw.”