I can only think of one good reason not to kill you: because if I killed you, I’d have to bury you, and that means shoveling. And I hate shoveling almost as much as I hate digging up dirt on politicians.

“I haven’t the faintest idea how babies are born, probably because I fainted on …”

“He won’t be as funny as a mountain—he’ll be hill-arious. He is my clone, and I …”

“Why did the brick and blanket cross the road? Because some maniac had just run …”

“When I go to the bar, I never drink much. And to do that I avoid conversations,…”