I can play the trumpet, but only if I have a sufficient quantity of anal lube.

“I have about as much practice sleeping as everyone else, though I’d like to hav…”

“The best time to complain is right after you’ve come up with a solution to the …”

“If I had my clone take a test for me, it’s likely I’d misspell my own name. And…”

“I’d race my motorcycle across the ocean just to avoid swimming in the desert. L…”