I can’t fly with one wing. But I can’t go hungry either, and I already ate both the legs, the breasts, and the other wing.

“What’s with the zombie craze? Zombies are half alive, half dead, right? Sounds …”

“I had to sell my cigarette boat, for fear it would cause cancer.”

“The closest my penis has come to my sexy coworker’s vagina, is piss splatters o…”

“I don’t like to celebrate my birthday, because I don’t like taking credit for o…”