I collect sounds. I store most of them in my ears, but some, like the sneeze, I store in my nose. If you wear a rain slicker and some rubber gloves, I’ll show you my collection sometime.

“I’ve got ears like a rabbit, and a penis like a baby carrot—fully erect, of cou…”

“When I’m lonely I stand in the corner and play my saxophone and feel sorry for …”

“I want to assure you, I’m not that kind of pervert. But don’t worry, goat lady,…”

“But back to the coffee. I was here on a mission. I just spent nearly five bucks…”