I consider seeing my 30th birthday an accomplishment. You know, not many midgets live to be this tall.

“I am the alligator of love. But I’d make better boots than a lover.”

“For most Americans, money and calories are always on their minds, although they…”

“Ah, the good ol’ days. I remember those days. That was before your time. It was…”

“I’m not blanketing the truth when I say: Give a man a brick, and he’ll fish for…”