I converted my mechanical toothbrush into an electric screwdriver. Now it more comfortably fits the contours of my urethra.

“A brick could be used to change the channel on a TV. Or at least turn it off—pe…”

“Give me 10 pins and a hardwood lane, and I’ll bowl. Just as long as that bowl i…”

“A blanket could be used to aid a waiter with bringing out a large order of beer…”

“I am on pace to break his record. He’s only got one, so after that I’m going to…”