I could tell we were going to get along from the way he wiped his ass—on my tie.

“My ex was the shape of a planet, and when she wore a belt, that planet was Satu…”

“Love equals 9X+1Y-4Z, with XYZ representing whatever.”

“I want a trophy that has atrophy—where the maquette on top isn’t sculpted metal…”

“Blankets could be used to stop exponential population growth. If we kept the pe…”