I dated an IRS agent, and I cheated on her. Not with a woman, but on my taxes.

“A brick could be used as a Disappointment Cube. Here, I’m giving mine to you, b…”

“Sharpies aren’t all that sharp. Not a great stabbing weapon.”

“Question for your life: Would you rather be the first female U.S. President, th…”

“I bought a zoo, which is funny, because I own the very place that should own me.”